i miss my bestfriend, he had comitted suicide on november 15th 2013 around 10;30am.friday. i feel like i should join hiim constantly. it sucks, but if i give up on my life. i leave the friends who need me the most. god,i just want to hug him again. i want him to tell me things are going to be alright. he was the one who made me stop cutting.. when i showed him my cuts, he looked at me with a sad/pissed face and shook his head. later that night i texted him asking if he was mad at me. he said “no, disappointed,” ever since then. i haven’t done it. i never wanted to disappoint him again. and i know if i do it again, he’s just going to be sitting next to me crying. i don’t know what to do now. i don’t have a savior. i’ve lost my will too even care about anything anymore. i’m scared of the future cus i know it isn’t good for me. everyone says it always get’s better. but ever since they said that, it’s been getting nothing but worse. everyone lies to me. for once i just want the truth. that everything isn’t okay. but it will be. that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reasons aren’t fair. that not everyone comes back. not everyone is happy with the choices they made. not everyone understands. i am always surrounded by people but yet i feel so alone. and when i am alone, it’s depressing. everything just does’t seem to work out for me., im left all alone to fend for myself when i don’t even know how. im going no where in life and im just admitting it now. i don’t even care what happens to me anymore. which is sad. everyone is born and everyone dies, not not everyone can chose what to do between those time periods,. and im out of control of mine. so if soon i say goodbye, everyone shouldn’t cry. it was meant for me. and i let it happen.
I really loved the way this came out for some reason
q’d with love x